This is the last week of term but for us (and many Mums and Dads we know) it’s the last week of nursery. In August our older son Owen will officially be in primary school or P1. Following many, many discussions with other parents it seems we are all emotional wrecks while the children are so excited and keep asking when is nursery over? When will I go to big school?
I find myself repeating the same questions and statements:
How is it already time for primary school?
It feels like we blinked and here we are.
When did they get so big?
I wish we could turn back time.
After crying at the kitchen table this morning (while our toddler, Carson, took full advantage and drew on the table) I forced myself to dig deep and find out why I feel so emotional. Primary School is indeed a huge milestone yet I feel..sad. When other important milestones were achieved such as crawling, first steps, first words we celebrated. All very well documented and stored on the cloud (with no real filing system, but that is for another day) and when the first day of P1 arrives we will no doubt give it equal attention and make sure everything is photographed and recorded.
Just as he was ready to crawl, walk and talk Owen is ready for the next phase of adventure. Don’t get me wrong we are so excited for the new phase (and all the art projects 🙂 but are not as ready as Owen is.
We always thought this time was way in the future and it’s arrived way too quickly! This is the beginning of more independence and more time away from us. And the reality is less cuddles, less opportunities to play together, less dependency, less how it is now.
Our well-known routine is about to change massively. It’s unknown and scary.
I have asked parents with older children if it gets easier, the answer is always no. Just as we get used to one routine they will grow and things will change. Is all part of the ‘joys of parenting’ as my Dad says.
I’m sure it will feel like this at the beginning of every school year, on the last day of primary, first day of high school, the first day of university, when they leave the nest, get married and so on and so forth. We can’t turn back time, we can’t stop time. So the only option is to embrace this time and all the times to come.
Through all these emotions and fear of change I have come to realise that there will be one constant, it will always be there through every milestone and can only grow stronger. Love.
Love for our little people as they become big people will always be.
When the day arrives hopefully we will feel ready and before you know it we will be consumed by a new routine that will become the new normal until it is just normal. We will still read and play and learn and grow. As our children grow we too will grow and learn as parents. We will have so many more exciting milestones and changes.
Pen to paper is usually my solution when all the emotions creep up. Here we go:
Your footprints in the sand
I’ve always watched your footprints beside mine in the sand,
Slowly growing and mostly running
I’ve been there to hold your hand
To catch you after stumbles
And to chase your quick getaways.
Now when I turn around I see…
I see how your footprints have grown,
I’m not sure how we got here so fast,
More than 1,700 days of joy.
One blink, maybe two and you grew
I remember how excited you got when we blew bubbles at the park
I remember how you called yourself ‘Bibbim’ instead of Owen
I remember the making robots and a cardboard shop from the recycling box
It’s all seems like yesterday is the cliche you will hear me say…a lot
I wish we could go back and experience everything again and again
I know that’s impossible
Instead I’ll reflect for a little
While watching you play
I see a confident, mind-blowing person
Ready to take new steps
Holding my hand a little less,
But brilliantly being you!
When I look forward I see a journey of greatness
I see a bigger version of you
I’ll still walk with you but I think you will lead the way more and more
In many ways you already do
No matter how big those footprints get
Never forget how strong you are
How talented, creative and precious
My footprints won’t be far behind
Always here for anything.
Let’s play now,
Run and make shapes in the sand
I smile as you hold my hand…
Happy page turning x
Words and image (C) Lisa Moralee McLardy